I think what others perceive as "being too picky" is really just the fear. (I fall in lust with over half the women I see, and I like most of them.)-(The fear and its side effects keeps me from meeting women, and I think the women who do get through my defenses and get to know me see the fear and that gets in the way of anything more than platonic relationships happening.) (Poverty, being into drugs, and holding minority opinions limits the number of women who I would get along with out of bed, but I think there are still lots of women out there who would be interested if I wasn’t pushing them away.)

(9pm) Tiredness!

11-5-88

(7am) It looks pretty chilly outside!

(10am) Erica stopped by to say hi. (Neat!)

(11am) Someone walked up the stairs and then back down. (I looked out the window and it looked like Joe. (He could be in town for the football game.)) (Weird!)

One of these days I will try the bars again, but it will be years before I have enough money to go very often. (I have to finish paying off my marriage before I can afford a social life and dating.) (I keep playing the lottery, but odds are it will be years before I dig out of this financial hole.) (I have lots to learn and much healing and growing to do, and I will use this time alone to work on that.)

(2pm) I did my laundry over at Erica’s again today and visited with her.

She commented that I tend to go from one extreme to another. (I would have to agree.) (Often times extremes are quite similar, functionally. (e.g., fucking everyone and fucking no one superficially appear quite different, but they achieve the same goal of avoiding emotional intimacy and commitment.))-(By swinging from one extreme to another, I generally end up accomplishing the same thing.) (Maybe someday I will stop being too afraid to explore the middle ground?)

It sounds like she is having fun! (Good for her!)

I am still pondering on the idea of getting a microwave. (I am getting by ok now, but it usually takes a couple hours for dinner to cook. (When I get ready to go out again, I will have to figure out a way to prepare meals faster.))

(5pm) Chores are done. (Finally!)

(9pm) Quiet nite. (Nice!)

Tiredness!

11-6-88

(7am) D O sure gets annoying when she wants out!

(9am) Quiet morning, so far.

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