(9pm) Quiet nite. (Nice!)

11-3-88

(6am) I set my alarm for going to the Club but couldn’t crawl out of bed.

(5pm) Busy day!

(8pm) Erica stopped by for a bowl. (Neat!)

She isn’t feeling well today. (Sad!)

I am exhausted!

11-4-88

(6am) TGI payday!

TGIF!

Anyone who plays hard to get with me, obviously doesn’t know anything about me. (I have no confidence in myself, can’t imagine anyone being interested, don’t want to bother anyone, and I think everyone deserves better than me!) (Anyone interested in me would have to make all the first moves and keep it up! (Otherwise I would just figure they weren’t interested and I would leave them alone.)) (I also don’t have the foggiest idea how to tell if someone is interested, and I don’t have enough experience to know how to act if I knew someone was! (I always guess wrong, and I end up doing and saying the wrong things; so it’s best that I do nothing!)) (Oh well, I am years away from meeting women and building friendships, so all that is unimportant.)-(I may never be single so why worry about all that? (Put it aside and work on things I can do something about now!))

Other than the first draft of "Outlaws and Poets" I can’t seem to write anything. (I am way behind on writing to my pen pals!)

I got a couple printer ribbons for my poetry project. (It will be nice to get that done!)

Working out in the mornings sure hasn’t worked out too well. (Tis getting harder and harder to get up that early, and when I do I am having trouble making it out the door. (Frustrating!))

Yesterday I worked in the Court all day on their computers. (Tis frustrating being around women! (I am human, but sometimes I wish I weren’t!)-(I have got to stick to isolation!)-(Seeing women just makes everything worse sometimes.))

(7pm) Erica stopped by to visit. (Neat!)

She says she has been celibate for three months now. (Three months is a piece of cake!) (My longest period this decade was three years.) (I was a virgin until a few weeks before my 21st birthday, so almost 21 years is my record, so far.) (I am not someone who is good at being single, and my marriage represents over 99% of my sexual experience.) (I am shy, afraid, awkward, unskilled socially, …; and the fear seems to get in the way of changing any of that.)

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