(7pm) I wrote to Samantha and my dad. (Keeping up with my other pen pals doesnt take much time, since Carrie and Hunter got fed up with me. (Oh well, write more to Erica.))
I got depressed on the walk home from work today. (Sometimes going home to an empty apartment and spending so much time alone gets to me. (Oh well, it always passes and I keep doing ok.))
I will miss having cigs to caress; but, other than that, it will be nice to have them gone. (Exercise more and get my physical stimulation that way.)
(8pm) It would be nice if smoke comes in before cigs run out; but I will be ok if it doesnt.
I wonder if there is any place around here I could get one of those good grow lites?
D O made it home and is cleaning herself.
For now I am dropping off my newspaper at Ericas on my way to work. (Help brighten her day a little.)
(9pm) D O is playing with another cat on the other side off the front door. (They slide their Paws underneath and tease each other. (Pretty cute!)) (She brightens up my life!)
I havent had spaghetti in months. (After years of eating it several times a week, I finally reached the point where I cant stand it anymore.)
(10pm) Erica dropped by to visit for a minute. (Neat!)
It wasnt too bad a day, for a Monday.
I am not comfortable around Beth now. (Maybe in a few years, but I am just not up to a girlfriend now.) (It takes me forever to get comfortable around people and women who show any interest cause me to run away.)
I am not into the idea of one-nite stands now either. (That road just isnt one I care to travel down now.)
I am also not into late nites and a lot of partying now. (I have had lots of nites and lots of fun, but tis time to take care of my health and live a more moderate life.)
I have got a lot of healing to do!
Maybe Ericas comments about me staring are related to smoke? (Right after I smoke, I shift to an altered state where I am not seeing anything. (Consciously anyway.) (I suppose I appear to be staring then.))
Erica commented that I am "falling apart". (That is a pretty valid observation. (My phobias have gotten worse over the past few years and the scope of what I can do has shrunk to work, Laundromat, grocery store, Club and this apartment.)-(I used to be able to build friendships with women I met, but that happens rarely these days.)-(The physical symptoms are probably just manifestations of my phobias, but I suppose I should go to the doctor and dentist.))
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