Oh yes, Erica commented that Linda thinks I am depressed. (A lot of people seem to think that.) (Maybe she is thinking about how she would feel in my situation and is projecting that onto me?) (Maybe my unconscious is manifesting indicators of depression to turn people off and keep them away from me?) (Another interesting puzzle!)

(4pm) The grocery store was expensive again.

(7pm) Nice nap!

(10pm) Quiet nite of tv so far.

And, it has been another nite of hi anxiety. (Trying to get psyched up to go out is painful! (The most common excuse I come up with for not going is that I have already tried it a few thousand times and, with the exception of the nite I met my ex, I have struck out every time.) (But, my phobias will get worse if I stay home and the probability of finding someone will get even smaller.))

I ate three x-tops about an hour ago. (That is another reason for going out! (Being wired up makes me want to get out and move around!))

5-8-88

(2am) Happy birthday to Joe! (He is 18 today.)-(Child support for him stops now, so my debt won’t be increasing quite so fast from here on out.)

I went down to the Hat. (The music and girl watching were great! (Neat!))

One woman seemed interested, came over, and started talking to me. (Per normal, I froze up, couldn’t talk, and she moved on.)-(Sometimes I wonder if these nites are therapy or exercises in futility.)

31 cigs in four hours. (I do get uptight when I go out!)

Another Saturday nite. (Ha!)

The crowd was older tonite and mostly couples.

I am in lust with one of the waitresses. (She reminds me of Billie! (I miss her too!))

Tis amazing how often I fall in lust! (Women are so wonderful!)

(9am) I feel good!

The rain has sure turned everything green. (Pretty!)

(Noon) Quiet morning of movies. (Nice!)

I ran across one tidbit on Aids that said there is something in saliva that kills the virus, so eating pussy is relatively safe. (Yum!)

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