Some more memories have been coming back this week. (Even one nice one from my childhood.) (Neat.)

(6pm) Nice massage.

(8pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)

10-29-87

(4am) Sharon called last nite and woke me up. (She wanted to know what the shrink had said, and I ended up talking to her for 1 1/2 hours filling her in on the history and analysis. (Explaining it all to others seems to have a therapeutic effect.)) (She suggested that I get my dad to fill me in on the details of the time period when my phobias seemed to have begun, and find out what the trauma was for sure. (I have tried to get into that a few times, but he always changes the subject and sends me money instead.)) (She suggested I cruise the mall as something cheap to do socially. (In a lot of ways, I am still 12 or so, and that is a typical behavior for that age group. (I will have to check it out.))) (She says we will have to go out for coffee soon.) (I mentioned the shrink’s idea about asking out three women a week, and she didn't seem to like that idea. (She wanted to know what I was going to do with three women a week falling in love with me. (?) (I told her that anyone who would fall in love after one date is immature, and not someone I would want to get involved with.))) (She asked about my mom's dad. (I never knew him; but what I have been told is that he was the town bootlegger, violent, alcoholic, fucked around a lot, psychotic, ….) (She commented that I would have probably gotten along okay with him, and she is probably right. (He sounds a little like Ian. (I like Ian when he is sober, and most of the time when he is fucked up. We have different attitudes towards women, but that only got in the way once.)))) (She also asked about my ex's tit size, and then made some catty remark about time and gravity. (That annoyed me.))

Despite her call keeping me from sleep for a couple hours, I still woke up at 4am. (I will have to consciously try to get myself turned back around so I am staying up until at least ten.)

(10am) Nice massage.

(11am) My dad sent some money, and now it's laundry time. (Yeah.)

(4pm) I got most of my monthly errands run. (Nice.)

The shrink went well today. (We finished up with history and are shifting the focus to now, where I am going, and how to get there.) (He thought ideas like learning to jitterbug, classes, and going to the mall are good ideas and worth trying.) (He commented that it will be harder to learn what I need to now about being social and courting now, than if I had done it as a kid. (I wonder why? (One advantage kids would have is school and being around other kids a lot. (That would be an argument for doing another bar time now, and for finding a job where I will be around a lot of people.))))

I went to the Army Navy store and got another pair of sweat pants. (They are comfortable for around the apartment.)

(5pm) Nice walk.

(7pm) Erica stopped by and kept me company for awhile. (Neat!)

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