When I am at moments where the internal turmoil is high, and I can't focus on anything else, I play solitaire. (It may look like a passive game, but it isnt to me. (I have combined Freudian and Jungian concepts to turn it into a tool. (On the Jungian level: He stated a belief in a race memory, and I think something like that is in all of us. The deck of cards we know is a subset of the original Tarot deck, and I think everyone of European descent has a race memory of that deck. (I read a book that told the meanings of each card, so the information was fed into my unconscious mind; but I made no effort to memorize them.))-(On the Freudian level: They use a number of tools like free association and inkblots, to try and tap into the unconscious mind.))) (The game: I look at the deck, on one level, as an ancient system of symbology which is a useful tool for setting up a way to communicate with my unconscious mind, as the unconscious functions mostly in terms of symbols. (e.g., dreams) I use an old deck I have played with for a long time, become quiet, and leave my mind open to whatever thoughts I free associate from the symbology of the individual cards turned up as well as the changing patterns of cards turned up.) (I don't take it too seriously, or consider the thoughts as being of any cosmic importance; but it's an interesting tool for listening to myself. (And, it tends to calm me, so, at a minimum, it helps me past the turmoil.))
Maybe another part of why my ex only saw my sexual aspect was that is the only part of men she had ever seen? (The years in strip joints were mostly time around men when their sexual aspects were out to play.) (And, since she was raped from age eight by the men in her life, those men's sexual aspects would have been what she watched out for, to protect herself.)
She wasn't always a terror. (Maybe I just remember that aspect of her because I spent the whole marriage focused on avoiding it and living in terror of it? (She had lots of aspects, but they seemed to be totally out of her control. (She would flip back and forth constantly each day from being a loving person to being a screaming bitch.))) (Oh well, I learned a lot from that experience, and I imagine I will continue to learn from pondering it now and then.)
I have a stack of accounting reading piling up. (I will have to turn my business aspect on soon here and consume the information he needs.)
(9am) All in all, it has been a fascinating journey, and I am still curious about what is up ahead.
(10am) Maybe I am deceiving myself, but I am still not particularly concerned about my hermitage. (This has been what I needed to learn now, and the experience of it has brought me much that will come in handy on my future journeys.) (As always, I still sense this isn't a long-term lifestyle; but merely a developmental stage, and all my future times will be happier and saner as a result.)
Although there are things for me to learn from in my past, another of my bad habits has been to let past experience cloud my experience of now. (e.g., my habit of running whenever I notice the least sign of jealousy in women. (Each woman I meet will have some commonalties with my ex; but each is also unique in how she expresses those aspects, and I need to let each woman define herself for me. (Seeing those aspects in new women has triggered an emotional response of fear; but I need to ignore it and not react right away. (Like with all emotions, flow with it, and wait until after I have calmed myself before doing anything.)-(Looking around now, I see that lesson all around me in nature.)-(I think that emotions can be a beautiful part of life; but during an emotional storm isn't the time for me (or anyone else) to do anything but ride it out! (Sailing on a beautiful day is a joy, but during a storm isn't a time for anything but surviving and waiting for it to pass, before getting back to the journey.)))))
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