Maybe being too sensitive and feeling emotions more intensely than most is similar to hemophilia? (Bleeding too easily emotionally.) (Tis a curse, but it's also a gift and I need to make the best of it that I can.) (Tis an interesting puzzle to unravel.)

Although I think sex is a time for two people to be stupid together, for now, I will stick with being picky about who I get stupid with. (I will have to desensitize myself to emotions and get greater control over them, before I will be open for more. (Time seems to be healing me, but it's still a slow process.))

Samantha seems to be mellowing out. (I think what she did from 14-23 was useful for her, but tis time she explored some new experiences. (Keeping that up long term is suicidal.)) (Good for her.)

(7pm) One thing I have noticed lately is I seem to have greater access to all my aspects and all the men I have been in the past, than in a long time. (It has given me greater confidence in myself.) (In the NLP books, they talk about needing some kind of controlled multiple personality, to function fully and completely. I thing that is pretty valid if one knows each aspect and what it does, and can shift from one to another at will to fit the ever changing experiences of life.) (I think I need to build some more aspects (e.g., more play aspects.); install an on / off switch in my work aspects; and gain the ability to shift from one aspect to another as circumstances change.)

It sure has been wonderful having Erica to write to all these years! (It has been good therapy.)-(I have read that a lot of people have found writing therapeutic. (I can vouch for it.)) (And, if I ever become a writer, it will have been this experience that it grew out of.) (I sometimes wish Erica had saved the letters from the Paw days, but I didn't write as well back then and it would have been a lot of work to get them into a readable format.)

Twas neat to see I managed to start and maintain two conversations at the barber college with women close to my own age.

(8pm) Perception: When Erica comes over she always takes the chair furthest from me, and Carly takes the closest one. (?)

(10pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)

I caught a little buzz tonite; but nothing like what I have done on this day in the past. (I seem to be coming to better terms with those feelings. (Neat!))

10-10-87

(6am) I sure like mornings.

Maybe Erica keeps suggesting Sharon because she thinks I am still desperate for a lover? (Somewhere along the way that disappeared. (It would be nice, but I am content with alone.)-(And, I still think, for now, it may be best to wait on that part of life awhile longer.)) (Why spend time with someone I don't particularly enjoy and let her cut me, just to get my dick wet?) (Tis a neat feeling to not be a slave to my own lust. (That is what got me into, and kept me in, my relationship with my ex, and may be one of the roots of all destructive relationships.))

Previous Page             Next