I sure pigged out this weekend. (Yum.) (Food is great.)

9-14-87

(3pm) Erica popped in for a minute and said hi. (Neat!)

I have gotten so wrapped up in typing; I spaced off going to the Club today.

I think I will go check the mail and hit the grocery store though, and get out of the apartment for a bit.

(7pm) Time for a typing break.

I got a long letter from Carrie today. (Neat.)

Things Carrie says in her letter make me feel that I should continue being basically who I am. (That fits with my gut feelings.)

She says that she hasn't been doing one nite stands lately. (She says it just doesn't help the loneliness. (A lot of people have told me about getting to that point.)-(That fits what I have read too.) (Loneliness has more to do with a lack of emotional intimacy than a lack of physical intimacy.))

She also gave me shit again about writing f instead of fuck, so I will try writing it out and see if that changes anything.

She also questions whether I have resigned myself to accepting my relationship with Erica as the only kind I can cope with; because that is the only kind of relationship I can have with a woman, or because I love Erica and have accepted this as the only kind of relationship I can have with her. (I think my primary relationship is with Erica, because my relationship with her is as close as I can get now. (I don't have to worry about ever dealing with sexuality with her, she demands little of my time and energy so I have plenty to devote to work, she makes me smile, through my letters she is always there for me and keeps loneliness from my door, …. (Hopefully someday I will heal and grow enough for a normal relationship and will move on to someone with whom I could have a normal relationship; but, for now, my relationship with Erica is perfect for me!)))

She also commented that, unlike many men, I have developed my feminine aspect and let it out some. (I do try. (I think it's important to develop that aspect and to integrate it into my life, and I will keep trying.)) (I think that is part of why I have a problem relating to a lot of other men, and part of why I don't fit a lot of women's image of what a man is supposed to be like; but, all in all, I think it's good, and that I will eventually meet women who will appreciate that aspect of me and find it desirable.)

(8pm) Carrie also reminded me of the day we did shrooms and went up to Yellowstone Park. (That was one of the most beautiful days of my life!)

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