(9am) I think I will start spending a larger percentage of my income on my debts; but I refuse to cut out my play budget completely. (I deserve some treats, now and then. (Without it's too easy to lose the motivation to continue on.)) (So far, I have spent around fifty percent of my take home pay on marriage debts. (Maybe I should try for sixty percent when I find work?))

I have mixed feelings about staying away from others when I am not up to being fun. (I do it, but it seems to be a permanent attitude and I end up going out seldom.) (It didn't always work, but I had a lot of fun times as a result of Carrie, Samantha, Kate, Billie, … twisting my arm and making me be social. (And, part of why I seldom play now is that Erica won't do that.) (But, if I really wanted it bad enough and was ready, I would twist my own arm.)) (I think it will come around again, but I am not there yet.)

(11am) Miranda called to say my bike broke. (I hope she isn’t worrying about it. (No big-a-deal.)) (People who borrowed my car brought it back broke so often, I have come to expect it.) (Unless I lose the truck, I have no use for the bike now. (I prefer to walk for exercise.))

(3pm) Nice workout.

One negative aspect of all this hostility is that I am withdrawing more again. (e.g., I am not starting conversations at the Club anymore.) (Oh well, I finally found some smoke and I seem to be mellowing out again.)

(6pm) Nice sun tanning session.

(7pm) I finally got those books from the library.

On the way back from the library, I ran into Ross; and I went over and visited with him and Carly for awhile. (Nice.) (She thinks I should share a place with Gwynn to cut my housing costs. (My cigs would drive her crazy.))

(10pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)

7-9-87

(11am) I ran into Erica on my walk downtown and visited with her a minute. (She always brightens up my day.)

I got another rejection on a job today.

(1pm) Erica called and visited some more. (Nice!)

(3pm) Nice walk.

(8pm) The hostility seems to be subsiding. (Nice.)

I read two books by Charles Bukowski today. (He is good.) (Carrie says he reminds her of me.)

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