7-6-87

(8am) Well, five years ago today, my divorce was finalized. (I wish I could afford to celebrate!)

(10am) I caught up with all my pen pals. (Neat.)

(3pm) Nice workout.

I went to the library today and found a book on job markets. (I sent off a mailing to all the towns in Arizona and California they suggested.)

(10pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)

When my intuition and emotions are lost to me, what else is there but analysis?

7-7-87

(3pm) Nice walk.

(5pm) Erica stopped by and visited. (I sure enjoy her visits!)

I think I will space off that nite on the town Miranda keeps talking about. (I got some companionship while I was helping her and I am content.)

Erica says she agrees with me that my ex should find a job, but that that isn’t our decision. (My ex says she only has a high school diploma, so she makes more on welfare; and that it's important to be at home with the kids. (That is her choice; but I wish she would accept the negative aspects of her own choices!))

And, I have to accept the negative aspects of my choices. (I chose to endure being abused, to incur the debts, and to do the things I did. (Now tis time to finish paying for it and putting it in the past! (There are advantages to poverty, and it won't be forever. (Just pay the bills, and put it behind me.))))

I think the biggest advantage of the hostility that has come to the surface now, is the awareness that it's there. (I have denied it and suppressed it; but it's something I am going to have to give attention to.) (I have a feeling I will not get back to people and sexuality until I have put that behind me.)

I got another letter today from Joe, and sent him another one. (Each round seems to be more hostile.)

I got a letter from Hunter. (He is sounding pretty blue.) (He thinks I should try another intro. ad. (I am not ready now.))

I got a letter from Samantha too. (She is doing really well.) (She says Leo is going to take her to the Grateful Dead / Bob Dylan concert in Eugene. (Good for her!) (Someday, I would like to see the Dead in concert!))

(10pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)

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