(3pm) Nice walk.

The reason I am most conscious of for not wanting to hear from Sharon again is that the last couple times I saw her, she accused me of using her and laid a quilt trip on me. (I don't need any more grief now!)

One solution to the puzzle of how to see the kids without risking losing everything would be to find a roommate who I could trust and who would lie to the kids and the Sheriff for me. (i.e., say everything belonged to them.) (I would lose the truck, but it wouldn't be a total loss.)

(5pm) Nice sun tanning session.

7-5-87

(Midnite) Quiet nite. (Nice.)

Carrie called. (Twas wonderful hearing her voice!) (She says she broke up with the one fellow and found a new beau.) (She says she has my letters ready to send, but keeps spacing it off.) (She gave me a bunch more shit about still being alone and celibate. (I know I should change, but how?)) (She says she stayed home tonite because she wasn't up and in the mood for partying; and didn't want to depress others. (I do the same thing.))

(10am) I can't ever seem to get in the mood to play or to be fun. (And, like Carrie says, it's best I stay home and not depress others.) (I do go out some, but I stay alone and don't bother others. (I am mostly happy and smile, but I am not able to overcome my fears and interact.))

I can't even think of anything to do that is social and I always find something that is wrong with the ideas others suggest.

Tis sad that the kids have to be my enemies; but my ex and I are at war, and I am so far behind on alimony and child support I am extremely vulnerable. (I could survive losing everything, but would rather not go through it again.) (And, Joe is a war hawk, anti drugs and alcohol, super conservative, and a bible thumper; so all we would end up doing is arguing. (We have nothing in common.))

Carrie gave me some new book ideas. (Neat.) (I have been spending far too much time watching tv.)

I have applied for nine jobs in western Montana in the last six weeks and, so far, I have received five rejections. (I am not even getting asked in for interviews.) (I have started to expand the geographical scope of my job search, but I am not sure the economy is much better anywhere.)

Carrie says that Dante is starting to travel, work more, and use his talents more. (Good for him!)

(Noon) Nice walk.

(4pm) Erica stopped by and visited. (Nice!)

(11pm) Quiet nite. (Nice.)

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