11-27-84

(6pm) Well, let’s skip back ahead to November 1984.

Now I am working at pushing a pencil for the County. (I followed in my father's footsteps and became an accountant.)

An occasional feature here will be "As the Courthouse turns," so let’s take a peak. One woman at work was complaining today because she wants to leave the fellow she is living with; but she is afraid of him, she doesn't want to hurt him, and she can't afford to. (I wonder how many relationships are held together by those same threads?)

Back to 1982 and shit city.

I don't know what twist of fate brought Erica into my life at that moment, nor whatever possessed her to befriend me; but there she was. With Erica's help I started collecting other women friends, after months of sitting alone at the bar. (Most notably Carrie, Kate, Emily, Billie, and Darla.) (I met Erica because she was working as a bartender in my favorite nitespot. (The Paw has been my home away from home since my divorce.))-(Emily, Billie, and Darla also worked there, and Kate was another regular.)

In December I saw things turn for the worse again when my ex admitted herself into an alcohol rehab center, and I had to move out to the country to take care of the kids. (As a result, I spent five weeks sitting at home watching the kids. (Maybe I needed some time away from the bars, and it was nice spending time with the kids.))

A couple weeks after I got back to town, Erica moved back to Missoula. (Up until now I have spent a lot of time rambling on to her in my letters. (Tis frustrating being so much in love with her and knowing that it’s doubtful that we will ever be more than friends; but I have to learn to cherish what is and not cry about what can't be!)-(I don't want to lose my best friend, but I have to come to better terms with my feelings for her.)-(Sometimes I wonder if there might have been hope for us to be more, if I hadn't done so much to push her away. (I don't yet like myself enough to wish myself on her.)-(She deserves better than me!)))

In the time since Erica left, all the friends I met through her have moved on except for Carrie. (And, I am still too uptight about cocaine to spend a lot of time with her.) (Kate moved to Seattle. (I sure miss her! (She was my regular drinking buddy for a long time and introduced me to a lot of people and neat experiences.)) (Billie married a super jealous fellow, so I no longer get to see her. (She did much for me too. (e.g., helping me to find this apartment, giving me this couch I am sitting on, a bunch of free meals, and some really pleasant companionship.))) (Emily got busted for selling drugs, and I don't see her anymore.) (I think Darla moved to Butte, but who knows.)

My current drinking buddy is a woman I met about a year ago. (Her name is Samantha.) (Another sweetheart.)

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